A Mighty Heart -- June 22nd, 2007

Last night I went to see “A Mighty Heart”. This movie tells the story or Daniel and Marianne Pearl. Daniel Pearl was a reporter for The Wall Street Journal who was kidnapped in Pakistan by people who had ties to Al Qaeda. The movie focuses on the efforts to find him and the emotional toll it takes on his wife, Marianne, played by Angelina Jolie. Overall this was an EXCELLENT film; well acted / directed and a very gripping story from beginning to end.

But why focus on the good stuff?

I am tired of Angelina Jolie. I know that everyone is gonna see this movie and rave about her amazing performance and, truth be told, this is the best work I have ever seen her do. But really...c'mon. She's just a total hotty who can kind of act so when she does a movie like this and basically lives up to the storyline, we applaud her abilities and say, "see...she is more than just a pretty face!!" The reality is that she is kind of a crappy actress. Her emotional range is similar to that of a coma patient. Yes, she does have a powerful screaming / crying scene but then, a movie-minute later, she is smiling and laughing with her friends. I am so tired of this chick. I would like her to just be pretty and adopt children. Also, I would like her to take an improv class and see if she can access some sort of sense of humor. In "Mr. & Mrs. Smith", with her hubby, Brad Pitt, she was completely unable to make fun of herself and be goofy. Brad Pitt was not afraid to be a total dork. That's why we love him. He's a hotty and a nerd and cool and fun. He rocks. She sucks. Also, we know she's pretty. We understand that. Can she maybe be a little bit not pretty sometimes? Apparently the answer to that, according to "A Mighty Heart", is no. She can't stop being hot. Go away and be ugly somewhere, Angelina Jolie and if you are going to play a pregnant woman, don't make the pregnancy appear to do nothing to your figure. AngeLAME-a NOlie. YEAH!!! HA HA!! Gotcha!!

The supporting actors were all very good. There was the father from "The Namesake". He was good. There was another dude that looked really familiar. He was good too. The guy who played Daniel Pearl was Dan Futterman, who played the son in "The Birdcage" and wrote the screenplay for "Capote". He is multi-talented. We like him. His mother, Mrs. Futterman, is very proud of him and his ability to rise above his difficult years growing up when all the big kids would call him 'Danny-Fanny Butterpants'. Anyway, in this one he was good and pretty low-key.

I saw this movie in Miami. The movie theater experience was nice. Big seats, stadium seating, not too crowded. However, apparently the seats don't bend backwards in Miami. Strange. Anyway, I guess it made sense to see this movie here because like Angelina, everyone in the theater was better looking than me. Screw them. They are all anti-Semitic.

I give this movie 4 Robbies. The only reason it didn't get five was that Angelina, who truthfully was pretty good in this one, pissed me off (in case you hadn't noticed). If they remake this movie, or any movie for that matter, they should use Bjork instead.

Hostel 2...Hostel Boo -- June 15th, 2007

Here is an original idea for a movie. There are 3 girls / women(?) on a trip in Europe. Two of them are totally hot and the other one is movie unattractive....let's call her 'hugly' (hot/ugly). They are engaging in all kinds of debauchery (a no-no in horror movies). Then, due to their willingness to pursue the sexual advances of non-puritan people, they get into some hot water....literally and figuratively. Some of it leads to death, some to torture, some to revenge. Blah blah blah. Give me a break.

The Hugly chick is played by the one who was in "Welcome to the Dollhouse". Now she is grown up and wonky but she has that model body that all 'hugly' chicks have. Then there are the two other hotties. One is a promiscuous vixen. Guess what happens to her. The other is hot but sensible. Guess what happens to her. Without hearing your guesses, I can tell you that you are correct.

Oh yeah, also...want to find out how creepy Eastern Bloc people can be? See this movie.

When the first Hostel movie came out, they advertised it by highlighting that it was directed by Eli Roth. I remember sitting in the theater, watching the preview and thinking, "Eli Roth...Sounds Familiar...Sounds Jewish...Must be famous". Here's the thing. No one, other than Quentin Tarrantino, knows who Eli Roth is and he is not famous. It just SOUNDS like he's a famous jewish film maker. He's not. He's a douche bag. Don't be fooled. Here are the movies that Eli Roth has directed....Hostel, Hostel 2, The Rotten Fruit and Cabin Fever. Maybe I am being oversensitive here but I think that they are using the jewish sound of his name to make it seem as though there must be depth to this film. Anti-semitic? Maybe. Maybe I am crazy.

Anyway, there are a lot of nasty deaths and lots of people's naughty parts...sometimes attached, sometimes not. It's dumb, lame and predictable. It's my fault though because I made the decision to see it. I don't know why. Also, there was a jerk in the theater who got mad at me when I coughed several times because I had a piece of popcorn caught in my throat. He is also anti-semitic.

I give this movie 2 out of a possible 5 Robbies. And it only gets 2 instead of 1 because there is a character named Paxton, which makes me laugh.

Eli Roth...you suck.

Un-Shalom.

Mr. Brooks -- June 1st, 2007

Today I went to see "Mr. Brooks", starring Kevin Costner, William Hurt and some dude who looked familiar. It was pretty good, although I am not quite sure how. The basic story is that there is a big, popular business man, played by Mr. Costner. He's also a serial killer. He is trying to retire from the serial killer business but his little schizophrenia-induced friend, played by William Hurt, a la Paul Bettany in "A Beautiful Mind", keeps insisting that he just go for it and keep killing. Lots of other crap happens...strange going-ons with Kevin Costner's daughter (played by some nameless hotty), an admirer / potential blackmailer, etc..

I think that the producers / studio execs thought it would be a money-maker to have Kevin Costner play someone who was unlikeable. If they make him into a killer, we will be so intrigued as audience members, we will just have to buy a ticket. Is Kevin Costner still so likeable that a reinvention will cause enough people to stir and go see this movie? I don't think so. Still, they must try but as so often happens with moves like this, the writers / people-in-charge make the evil charachter somewhat sympathetic. It's like Kevin Costner is out there saying, "Yeah! Make me evil!! Let's do it!! Just make sure I'm likeable evil or at least understandably evil. Like Michael Douglas in 'Falling Down'".

Lame. Just make him really evil and nasty. Then I will be excited to see the "Reinvention of the Wolves".

Meanwhile, William Hurt has turned into one of those actors who, in their later years, has fallen into the trap of constantly playing smug, two-dimensional characters. This film is no different. In fact, in this one, he is LITERALLY two-dimensional, as an apparition. I find this disappointing. I remember William Hurt from such amazing movies as "Children of a Lesser God" or "The Big Chill" or, of course "Kiss of the Spider Woman". Where did that dude go? Come back William Hurt!!

So, with all of this negativity, it is get back to my initial thought. This movie was, somehow, enjoyable. Kept me interested. Didn't fidget. It's a good story and pretty well acted, overall. Check it out.

Leave before the stupid-ass ending though.

Overall I give it 3, out of a possible 5, Robbies!!

Until Next Week!!